let's go to war to make peace,

[atthemercyof]

[ Locked to oldcardigans ]

[ Erik would be something nonchalant if not for the way he stands just beyond the front steps, arms crossed over his chest, gaze slanted at Agent MacTaggert. Her departing pleasantries are more directed at Charles, because Erik very clearly excudes distrust, and even distaste, to any of the Suits. But that doesn't mean his presence is not very much there. The conversation through the night weights itself down at the back of his mind. Too many people are showing an interest now, invasive little questions that get passed off as pleasantries from someone Charles trusts.

Erik sometimes wonders if Charles would just let the government steamroll right on other him. He hopes MacTaggert knows Erik won't allow that as long as he's here.

He tips his head a fraction in acknowledgement of her goodbyes, lifts his gaze skyward slightly, because there's something ticking away in the house tonight, a static kind of unease that crawls under his skin. It's a bit like the dark roll of sky just before a storm as dark eyes follow the movement of the man in front of him. ] Well?

Comments

[oldcardigans]

[ Seething helplessly for a few interminable moments, his radio silence persists while Charles turns to pour himself an excessive amount of brandy to help swallow down his emotions, sinking into his favorite armchair in abject aggravation. ]

[atthemercyof]

[ He's well aware that this is uneasy ground to be on. He needs to walk, so he grabs his jacket from inside the door, and wanders out into the grounds. It's dark enough and wide enough that Erik can lose himself in it.

He doesn't understand how Charles cannot see where he's coming from, how dangerous it is to give too much away. If this place becomes a threat they won't hesitate to swoop in and destroy them. ]

[oldcardigans]

[ Cynicism is anathema to Charles' view, and on Erik's request, he has tried to imagine the country that was engulfed by the Red Scare & overcame it moving on to throwing mutants down as though they were nothing more than lambs led to slaughter, but the picture doesn't form. Injustices visited on victims of unfair law have eventually been overturned or declawed, and Charles' faith in history and the rightness of where justice ultimately lands remains unshaken, that even if things come to a dark and caged corner now, it doesn't mean such things will continue unabated for the rest of their natural lives. Maybe past when he and Erik are long dead.

Charles' attention shifts from his own quagmire to Erik's movement away from the mansion, his heart slowly climbing into his throat for fear that he's realized their differences aren't going to be reconciled and he's finally decided to go for good. ]

Where are you going? [ Internally wincing at how weak that sounds, he partly wishes that it wouldn't hurt so much to pull himself back from Erik for a little while, to shut everyone out just so Charles can be alone and have quiet so he can flush his system of this wretchedness, but that'd exacerbate things with Erik to a horrible degree. He'd know it was his fault is Charles' voice suddenly stopped whispering at the back of his thoughts. ]

[atthemercyof]

For a walk. [ It rankles for a moment before his voice softens, becomes something gentler. Charles has been bred with hope, it's not his fault he doesn't understand how quick the tide changes. ] I'll stay within the grounds, Charles. I'm not going anywhere, I just need to breathe. Is that all right?

[oldcardigans]

Of course. [ It's almost apologetic, Charles' thoughts flowing from suppressed anger to reluctant longing so quickly it gives him whiplash, but they both need the space to step back and find some common ground. ] I didn't mean to drive you away, but I do realize I left first. Take your time, I'll just - [ Turning around his glass in the lamplight, dark liquid sloshing around. ] I know you want to see us protected. I really do, Erik.

[atthemercyof]

You have to understand something, Charles. [ Erik tucks his hands deep into his pockets, voice gone soft and gentle. ] I simply know how fast things can change, how little information, no matter how much you control it, can turn around and be used against you. Who's to say they won't try to catalogue us, to register us? History repeats itself because we were too trusting.

[oldcardigans]

And I'm trying to. [ Propping his elbow on the arm rest, his forehead comes to rest in his hand, hair coming away from its loose combing and hiding his eyes from the light. ] But I feel like you're leaping so far ahead in your reasoning that the extremity makes it difficult to see things as nascent as they are now. These things are just beginning, whatever they will develop into, and to immediately write it off as a plot to enslave or outright kill us all is hampering my ability to see it from where you're standing. I've been fortunate enough not to have been discriminated against in so drastic a way as you have, I understand that, but I don't want you reading into something that may not be there and making rash decisions based on it.

[atthemercyof]

I let her leave here without harming her, did I not? I'm not making any rash decisions, Charles. I'm not threatening anyone, I simply remain cautious as to what they really want.

[ Erik's sigh brings condensation to the world before him, rising fog. He lifts the coin always tucked into his pocket free, lets it glide around and around his wrist. ] Information is a weapon, please remember that.

[oldcardigans]

[ Charles wants to say that using that as an example of Erik's strictly defensive intentions isn't quite reassuring him, but he refrains. Rubbing his temples lightly, he leaves his fingers there to assist their long distance talk, voice quieter than before. ] I'm not trying to tip the balance of power between us and them. Essentially it was information they already know - is confirming it as dangerous?

[atthemercyof]

Even communicating feels dangerous. [ Suddenly he wishes he still smoked, it would give him something to do with his hands other than brush his fingertips across floating silver. ]

[oldcardigans]

If we never communicate nothing is resolved, love. [ It's tired, knowing intimately that they're going to go around and around on this, but engaging nonetheless. ] I want very much for this to be over, but it won't be better if we rear back now. By both our admissions, it'd benefit us to remain where we are and no further in, and I'm trying so very hard to balance the future and the present, what people expect of me and what I want, that it seems like more than our views are standing in the way of this. ] [ A shuddering sigh, his thoughts ruled by the discontent that settles over him in a pall. ] It's nothing so simple as what you suggest.

[atthemercyof]

Fine. [ He glance skyward to the faint speckle of stars. ] There's nothing I can say, nor you, so I won't continue this thought.

[oldcardigans]

[ Fingers sliding down to pinch the bridge of his nose, dropping and taking an unconscionably large drink. ] I'm sorry. [ Not for what he believes, but that they end up here so often. ] I got overly defensive. I'msorryI'msorry

[atthemercyof]

Don't apologise to me. Your autonomy is important, Charles. I'm not asking you to stop thinking like yourself, I'm just - . [ He doesn't want to watch the children, watch Charles, be rounded up if this gets out of hand. ] I don't trust them, I won't. I'm just asking you to be cautious, that's all, all right? That's all I want.

[oldcardigans]

Yes. You have my word, Erik. [ Reduced to the base tenets of their hopes in this, it's easier for Charles to talk of what they do agree on. Protecting one another, namely. ] And I hope you understand that if that ever does come to pass, I won't stand by and let it happen. I'm not looking to jeopardize anyone. You don't have to trust them if you don't want to.

[atthemercyof]

[ Silent for a moment before his voice filters back. ] All right, then. As long as you're prepared.

[oldcardigans]

[A degree of wryness to it. ] What's enough?

[atthemercyof]

I'm afraid I don't know. The tides change, I just want us above water.

[oldcardigans]

[ Gaze dropping to his lap, he can see and feel all the directions he's strung up and pulled into. ] I'm not going to make it at the expense of peoples' lives.

[atthemercyof]

Just as long as you don't expect it to be at the expense of yours.

[oldcardigans]

[ A short, rather telling silence, then - ] If it can be helped.

[atthemercyof]

Charles - [ Terse for a moment. ] You're important.

[oldcardigans]

Only because I chose this. [ Leaning over to refill his glass, movements stiff. ] It could just as easily have been someone else, Erik. I'm not saying I can't do some good with where I am, or that I'm disposable, but if there's something I can do to keep lives from being lost, I'm going to do it. And you need to let that happen.

[atthemercyof]

No. [ Erik's end of their connection fizzles slightly, folding in on itself for a moment. ] If it came to be you or them, I wouldn't hesitate.

[oldcardigans]

[ Charles' consciousness flickers, pushes more firmly to Erik's. ] I have no desire to leave you. My intentions don't have to mean I'll sacrifice myself, but I'm going to do all in my power to spare innocent lives.